ALBERT EINSTEIN SAYS...
"Don’t believe everything you read on the internet."

XVII |April 1, 2021

01 Stories That Matter

A deep dive into a story that's arcane, thoughtful, and sometimes humorous!

The Beach Among The Antarctic


This summer, forget the crowded locales of the Maldives or the Bahamas. With the help of some Dutch explorers who wish to remain anonymous, we want to take your beach vacation one step further and take you to the only beach in the world’s coldest continent, Antarctica!  

Thanks to a special anomaly in Earth’s ozone layer, conditions in this region are hot enough for you to relax by the sea while your companions at the research stations freeze themselves. Known as Voorwenden, reaching this location is possible only by private flight or sailing on a private vessel. This location is one of the only places on planet Earth where you might just get a chance to spot the Hotheaded Naked Ice Borer, a mammal that has only been reported a handful of times because of how difficult it is to get to Voorwenden.

What awaits you on this unique piece of land? Well, you can either go dipping in the warm waters or have a snowball fight with your loved ones depending on what you feel like. Of course, we would be careful not to venture too far away from camp because the ozone hole here is a tiny one, and taking one step outside will turn you into a popsicle.

So if you really want to visit Voorwenden, sign up here: https://bit.ly/3sJrPyY  

02 What You Missed When Grounded

An exclusive experience based on something that's taken over the world by storm now.

How would you like to control a cruise vessel

The world was sent into a tizzy of mayhem and memes when a certain vessel known as the Ever Given managed to lose control and get itself stuck in what is perhaps the world’s most important waterway. 

For nearly 5 days, the large vessel, said to be the largest of its kind in fact, disrupted trade services across the globe. 

The minister overseeing the canal even estimated that the delay cost anywhere between 10 to 14 million dollars per day. That’s no small figure! 

Even for Evergreen, the company responsible for chartering the vessel, it was a tough time. Hundreds of thousands of dollars in delays and also in costs spent to get the poor vessel out of the canal. Which is why they’ve partnered with Leisure Ways to introduce a unique form of sightseeing that no other company does so far: Shipping tourism!  

Onboard the Ever Given, you’ll be treated purely to authentic experiences. On arrival, you’ll get a cup of tepid black coffee without sugar and a hard hat. You’ll be briefed about your journey and also be given sickness pills. The boat will lazily be tugged out into the open seas where you’ll discover the joys of working as a crew member. Of course, the exciting part is only now coming. As soon as we come close to our destination port, we will deliberately stall the rudders and make sure that the ship cannot be steered thanks to strong winds. Your task now is to prevent another crash from happening. Do you have what it takes to prevent yourself from becoming another viral trend?  

03 Let's Get Comical

Have you been fooled yet today?  

04 The Reel

Movies that go very well with the date today.

The quintessential satirical movie. Borat is boorish, unapologetic, curious and makes you cry from laughing without even trying. 

Our Khazaksthani hero became so popular, the Kazaksthan Tourism Board even adopted his slogan "Very nice!" as the official slogan for the country now. And it's no surprise, because Sacha Baron Cohen is such a natural at what he does. This style of comedy quickly took off after the release of the movie and even led to an equally funny sequel. 

The next time you want to watch an unfiltered, uncensored and extremely adult themed laughter riot, don't miss Borat. 

The Lobster is a far more macabre dark comedy than Borat that's equal parts British comedy and surrealism. 

David's wife leaves him to go be with another man, and he has 45 days to find a new partner or he'll be turned into an animal. Why? No reason (yet). However, what lies ahead of him is the not-so-small task of finding love. With a dog in tow, he steps into the hotel and is prepared to do what it takes. Even if it means giving himself nosebleeds. 

Extremely surreal, dark, and with climaxes that keep everyone on their toes, The Lobster is perhaps the best movie to watch today! 

What if yo u lived in a world where literally everything you ate, saw, said and did was truthful? 

Ricky Gervais is Mark, a screenwriter in a world where documentaries with pure fact are the only thing you can show on the big screen and your date straight up calls you ugly. In such a world, Mark accidentally tells the world's first ever lie. And life turns around for him when he starts convincing people (rather easily) with lies! 

This romantic comedy is a perfect reminder that life doesn't always have to be perfect and small lies can actually help you in life! 

05 The Improbable

A notorious phenomenon is now a forlorn figure of the past. 

Delhi's Monkey Man, Now A Tour Guide

If you were around in Delhi during 2001 and taking a stroll in the evenings, surely you would have gotten a glimpse of a hairy, dark and very large individual taking a peep at you from far away. 

Of course, news of his presence sent shockwaves through Delhi and soon Kaala Bandar became a household name, eventually forcing the poor chap to retire from public sight for unintentionally sending an entire city into chaos.

The Portmanteau team happened to run into the monkey man himself while on a secret mission, and what a different man..er..monkey...er...monkey man we spoke to. “I never wanted to become the horror story that I am today. People really have no clue on how to treat their fellow citizens with respect. Just because I came from a failed biology experiment doesn’t mean I’m not a member of society!” Even when he had a cameo in a certain Bollywood movie, they chose to have another actor play Bandar instead of approaching him directly. 

He also misses the action. “For some reason, people stopped caring as much. I think they just got used to the fact that I was there and soon I turned into that lamp in the corner of the room: Bareilly acknowledged, soon forgotten.”  Keeping this in mind, Bandar decided to try and build back his image and also his popularity by setting up a business that’s highly in demand for inbound travellers: Walking tours through Delhi! “The idea was a no brainer. While escaping the clutches of angry mobs on a regular basis, you tend to discover a lot of the old city and its hidden treasures. Miniature palaces, the best street food to steal from, and the best hiding spots. 

The walking tour starts from Delhi-6 and goes on for about two hours and includes a special lunch with entrees stolen from the paratha shops (which we do not condone, by the way!).

06 The Thinking Owl

Better stay indoors and avoid the internet. I'm no fool after all! 

07 Food for Thought

How would you like to try food cooked in a volcano? 

If that title sounded weird to you, you should know that this is an explosive experience. 

Picture this. You want food. You have a hunkering for a sandwich with smoked sausages. 

But honestly, you've tried every kind of smoked sausage out there. Even with wood that you cut down yourself. A new startup promises to change all this to give you the ultimate meat experience. How does sausage grilled over a volcano sound? 

After a small volcano recently erupted in Iceland, scientists who went to study the activity felt hungry and decided to cook up some sausages right on spot, using the unique heat of the lava infused with the black soil to give a flavor that's so unique and so earthy, it's worth falling into a volcano for. 

"Getting this close to such a unique heat source is a once in a lifetime experience. We now plan to fly in gourmet chefs and have them set up portable stoves to serve up some of the finest smoked meats and charcuterie in existence." The team also plans to invite guests on board, starting with a helicopter flight that takes you to the very edge followed by a safety briefing and suiting up to protect against the harsh conditions. Also please do make sure to check whether your insurance covers such fiery experiences. 

08 The Travel Record

We have some bad news for you this time! 



Unfortunately, we couldn't find songs worthy enough to make it to the travel record this time. All we have is a meme to show you how sorry we are. It definitely isn't here for any other purpose. We highly suggest you don't click on it. 

09 Puzzled?

Puzzles to get your neurons firing.

THE EDITOR'S NOTE

April Fools to all our dear readers out there! If you managed to read till here and not groan multiple times, we can only thank you in earnest. In life, it's always a good idea to delve into the humorous and sometimes inane ideas and thoughts that we come across, and even try seeking inspiration from them (There may be more to that volcano idea than you think!). Which is why this relatively shorter edition of Portmanteau was written purely to get a few chuckles and chortles out of our reader. We hope you enjoyed this one, and we'll be back soon to curating more stories around exploring the great wide world. 

May your spirit of humor live on! 

Ashish

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